Why Many “Godly” Couples Still Struggle Intimately

Rachael Mumo

A seasoned faith-based Counselor. Grow emotionally, mentally, physically and most importantly spiritually. Contact: +254768070591

Let’s be honest.

Many Christian couples love God deeply but still feel disconnected in the most private part of their marriage.

They pray together, serve together, worship together, but when it comes to intimacy, there’s tension, silence, or confusion.

The truth is, intimacy is not automatically fixed by spirituality. You can quote scripture and still be emotionally distant. You can pray in tongues and still feel unseen, untouched, or unwanted. Intimacy is more than the physical act. It’s emotional connection, safety, and vulnerability expressed through the body. And sadly, the church rarely talks about that part.

Here’s what really happens behind many closed doors:

Some couples are emotionally starving but physically performing.

They do it out of duty, not desire. Out of fear of rejection, not connection.

And they call it “submission” or “being a good spouse” but deep down, something sacred feels missing.

2. Others carry unhealed trauma. Childhood wounds, past abuse, or betrayal that made their bodies tense up whenever closeness is attempted. They love their spouse but feel trapped in a body that remembers pain.

3. Then there are couples who were never taught that God designed pleasure, not just procreation. So they see intimacy as unholy or shameful, and their bedroom becomes a battlefield of guilt and unmet needs.

And sometimes, the issue isn’t sex at all, it’s communication.

You can’t be intimate with someone you don’t feel safe being honest with.

You can’t open your body to someone you’re closed off to in your heart.

Sex doesn’t fix distance. Emotional honesty does.

Here’s the truth most won’t say:

Spiritual couples often mistake prayer for vulnerability. They think because they pray together, they are close. But real intimacy starts when you can tell your spouse, “I feel unseen,” without them getting defensive. When you can say, “I’m scared to open up,” and they hold your heart gently instead of judging you.

Godly marriages don’t struggle because God is absent.

They struggle because the couple confuses holiness with hiding.

They’ve learned to be pure before God but not transparent before each other.

If you want intimacy to heal, stop starting with the bed. Start with the heart.

Talk again. Listen again. Forgive again. Reconnect emotionally before you reconnect physically.

Because intimacy was never meant to be an obligation.

It was meant to be the celebration of two hearts that feel safe together.

It’s time to heal the silence, rebuild connection, and experience love the way God designed it.